Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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