I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
