Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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