I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is Oprah even human
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
