I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
