he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
