isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Less talking, more tequila
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
