So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Randomize
