The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
