You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
