she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
