if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
