I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
