Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
