hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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