You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
