Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
