xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
