My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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