so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
