There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
