Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
