Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
