I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
