Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
