What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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