he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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