Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
