Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
