I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
