screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
