i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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