if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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