'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this will be a night to untag.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
