I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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