I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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