who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
