ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your cock deserves a montage
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
