Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
