I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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