guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
