Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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