but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
