i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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