I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
