I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
