FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
