capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
