Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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