gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There r osticjed everywhere
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
