Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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