Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
what the fuck happened to the tacos
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
