If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
