There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Found your dick twin last night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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