Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
