Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
