did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
