you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
