She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You left your underwear on the fireplace
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
