FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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