my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
