My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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