I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
