Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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