walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
