I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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