dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
