Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
