she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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