I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
