HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
