my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
