ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
