it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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