I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
