Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize