so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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