just tell him i said nine months
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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