Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize