She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
