Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize