No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
