i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
