I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Couch. On fire.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
