I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
