So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
