my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize