I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
