Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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