Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
