I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
