how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
