i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
