Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
