when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
