I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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